yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
