Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
