Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish you could order shots online.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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