Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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