I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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