Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
where are my pants?
in the oven.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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