So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
