then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
