Reggie can tackle my bush.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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