mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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