Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
