YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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