i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
