dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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