It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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