Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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