3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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