Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just fell off a train. Bad.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
