just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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