he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
