Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
