My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
