So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
