I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
