why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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