Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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