from now on my penis is your penis
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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