every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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