Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
