I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
