so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
