I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
