Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
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He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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