he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
