just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
