thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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