"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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