She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
