he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize