i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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