They have a pepper shaker for pot.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
