I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
