Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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