Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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