my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
