Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
