If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
