I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
