I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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