u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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