You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
