Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
