Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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