You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Let's paint friendship bongs
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
