I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
