I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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