the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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