Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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