I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
