i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
