Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
