i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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