haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
