i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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